Today we spoke for the first time in years
You told me about a girl you saw on the side of the road
The way her wild hair reminded you of me
You decided then, that she was a symbol
And that you’d help her
You would offer her a ride to anywhere she’d like,
And accompany that with what money you had in your wallet
Your intent in sharing this was to tell me
That you think of me
That you care for me
That in that moment, you wanted to help me
A big part of me understood that symbolism
But an even bigger part of me
Wondered why you would put forth those actions to a mere symbol,
Instead of me
“I’m right here mom” the words clung to my tongue
But stayed there
I realized I am also displacing my actions
Seeking parental guidance through myself or a close friend
That to question your misplaced actions would be hypocrisy
So without a word from me, you continue your story
You tell me that by the time you returned to where you saw her,
That she was gone
Another thought came to mind
“I’m not umma, I’m right here”
But who am I to beg for your action when I’ve yet to take my own
“That was kind of you to try” is all I muster
I wonder then what would’ve come if she’d stayed
What if in the future, I show myself to you
Would the same call to help come to mind?
Would you save me?
Or would old fears cause me to disappear
Just like her.
Avril Song 